How to stay sane in the silly season - by Fili Perdikaris
On the verge of a ‘meltdown’ in the leadup to the holiday season? You are not alone. Most people find this time of the year very stressful. In fact, research suggests that people consider ‘Xmas the sixth most stressful life event alongside divorce, moving house, and changing jobs. We don’t call it the ‘silly season’ for nothing. Everyone is that little bit more frazzled or grumpy, and this is due to many reasons. Nothing about our daily life goes away. The holidays add a layer of activities and responsibilities (both real and imagined) that take up time, money and emotional energy. Even if we enjoy many aspects of the festive season, there may be moments when we wish we could rewind the calendar.
Being mindful can be an effective way to cope with holiday stress. If you have a mental illness or are simply feeling overwhelmed, try and bring yourself back to the present moment by using deep, slow breathing or any relaxation/meditation strategies that work for you. The ‘smiling mind’ app and ‘insight timer’ are useful on-line tools for mindfulness strategies and meditation options. Try and challenge your thinking processes and any catastrophising that may be present about Xmas day or the lead up to Xmas by reminding yourself that we have no control over the future and ruminating over the past will not change anything. All we can influence is the present moment, so try and make self- care a priority at this time of year, despite feeling that there is so much else to do. If you can take care of yourself, you’ll be able to reduce your stress level and be in a better position to tackle your extra tasks as well as enjoy the festive season.
For many, the biggest source of holiday stress is family; the family dinner, the expectations and obligations, and the burden of family tradition. If you have pre-existing mental health conditions, the festive season can be a trigger and exacerbate depression, anxiety, or other psychological issues that you are battling. If this is the case, try and plan before spending time with family. You can limit the time you give to them, take a break in the day by going for a walk, or find a separate room where you can ‘short-circuit’ any rising anxiety by taking some deep breaths . Also, alcohol can exacerbate underlying moods such as depression and anxiety, so as tempting as it is to over-indulge at this time of year, try and limit your intake of alcohol. If you find the pressure mounting in the lead up to seeing family, talk to someone you trust. Alternatively, it may be appropriate to ‘talk out the tension’ with the family members that are troubling you, in a non-confrontational manner and at an appropriate time. They may not realise that their behaviour is affecting you in a negative way.
If your distress at Xmas is a result of an emotional trauma or sadness over the loss of a loved one, take the opportunity to be extra kind to yourself. You might want to commemorate your loved one at some point during the festivities by lighting a candle, saying a prayer, cooking their favourite meal, or sharing memories of the Xmas you experienced with them in years gone by. This connects you to the sense of your loved one’s presence in your heart and thoughts. If you can, try and use Xmas as a time to join and appreciate your remaining loved ones.
If you are facing the prospect of spending the festive season alone, this may be particularly challenging, as your sense of isolation can become magnified in the middle of all the family gatherings. You may want to think about volunteering at a charity such as a soup kitchen where you will be surrounded by people and engage in the heart warming feeling of giving to others in need, as well as assisting us to put our own problems into perspective. The ‘Beyond Blue Forum’ may also be helpful as an online alternative for support if you feel isolated in the form of joining a chat group and sharing holiday coping strategies
Financial challenges can add a pressure at this time of the year, where the expectation of exchanging gifts can break the budget. A significant factor to be mindful of is that it is not the value of the gift that is important, but the thought that counts. A handmade card with heartfelt sentiments, or a meal can be more valuable, by touching the heart of both the giver and receiver. The gift of your time involved in creating something personal, and the love expressed in this gesture is what counts.
Just remember that a lot of the ‘hype’ around this time of year is commercially driven and you don’t have to buy into it. The festive season is about engaging in the rituals that are important to you and that will help you feel the spirit of this time, rather than doing what everyone else is doing. So, try and take the pressure off yourself about what Xmas is supposed to look like and try and be realistic about your expectations. And if all else fails remember, ‘this too shall pass’. The festivities will soon be over, the family gathering will come to an end, your in-laws will go home, and the Xmas tree will be packed away. Cue: big sigh of relief!
Fili Perdikaris BSc(Hons) Psych APS AHPRA Mb: 0448 355 551
Psychologist and corporate consultant www.filiperdikaris.com.au
